"In a bedroom near you, there is probably a band 'jamming'. . The band will comprise a drummer who can't fit his/her
kit in the room, a frustrated singer, no bassist & 4 guitarists. One guitarist will eventually go to bass, another
will be kicked out because s/he could only play the riff to 'Day Tripper', & the drummer will start worrying about
his/her security within the group after the singer starts eyeing up drum machines. The fledgling band will eventually find
a rehearsal room - where they will practise for weeks on end. ..Finally they will get gigs. Their first gig will be packed
with their mates. Their next won't be as busy because the footie's on TV. The gig after that will be emptier still....as their
mates no longer fancy paying £4 for the privilege of seeing their hapless chums churn out some atonal racket. Yet still, the
band think the world owes them a living and start getting pissed off that promoters are no longer offering them gigs... In
due course, the band will become jealous of others. They will get together some of their more mouthy mates, and litter gigs
with their presence. They will shout abuse. They will fail to see how said band is signed and they are not. They will later
go home and post anonymous abuse on Internet messageboards about the band in question. And, to cap it all, the green-eyed
band members will say... "They won't get anywhere with a name like that.." Admittedly TCTC escape any such
abuse tonight, but as I type there are bands around the country literally foaming at the mouth in anger about how 'easy' some
people have had it....
Reasons why TCTC are better than your band...
1.) You have slogged it out in pay-to-play
pub venues playing your un-unique brand of predictable cover versions, inviting along your parents in the hope that they will
tell their friends about how good you are, thinking this is how you build a following. TCTC play a blend of frantic guitar
riffage mixed with synthpop and dance, while at the same time sounding like an excitable orgy of Spiritualized, The Verve,
Primal Scream and Led Zeppelin. Funnily enough, people prefer this sort of music to yours...
2) Your singer is nondescript and
your guitarists can only play open chords that they learnt from an Oasis songbook. TCTC's guitarists know the art of the quiet-loud
thing, as well as big bastard riffs, providing that all-important X Factor...
3) You have recorded a demo on a 4-track
you hired. Not knowing how to use it properly, you set up the 4-track in your practice room with two mics in the corner, recording
four songs live then mixing awful guitar solos on the other two tracks, thinking this was a good use of overdubbing. You then
pressed 50 copies on CDR and tried to flog this as an 'EP' on your imaginary record label. Your friends said "I'm not buying
that shite" and went to HMV to get Stephen Malkmus' album instead. TCTC recorded their EP with somebody who's worked with
Placebo, among others, making it sound sonically brilliant whilst still maintaining the hard edge of their live set, but pulling
the heartstrings in places when it's most needed. They release it on vinyl and make sure it's something special for the people
who are supporting them at this early stage. Due to having the cred of artistic license thorugh their own label, the marketing
budget of BMG /RCA ensures makes it available to the public in a far more pleasing form than your badly-produced, piece-of-shit
excuse of an "EP" on look-we-are-signed-2-a-label-honest Records which is only sold at your gigs by some minger who's more
interested in staring at girls' yam yams than he is flogging your bit of musical dirge..
.4) TCTC are better-looking than you,
younger than you, and could probably have you in a fight cos they outnumber you. But don't be disheartened, dear band member
it's not The Cooper Temple Clause fault they are talented and have a bright future ahead." stolen from www.alphabetty.co.uk
